May 2012
49 posts
When people tell me "You're looking cute today!"...
love4summer:
I respond like:
Then I walk off like:
ohmygod yes.
THIS
When you finally finish your homework:
sodamnrelatable:
then you realise you still have more:
Everyone on tumblr: i'm ugly *actually gorgeous*
Me: i'm ugly *actually ugly*
My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh...
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
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me: i actually feel happy with everything right now
face: here's some acne
school: here's some work
friends: here's a knife in the back
parents: here's some added pressure
crush: here's my new girlfriend
me: ok
*Hears noises at night*: Well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
*Gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I going to go on
*Heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
*A cop walks by*: Here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
*Taking a test*: Don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school
*Gets a sunburn*: Skin cancer
Hi You.
You lied.
But I’m not heartbroken, I’m not upset.
I’m shocked at how someone can have a change of heart within a few hours.
Seems like looks just mattered that much to you.
I’ve moved on, and you are just history.
